It is now 35 years since I attended college in MS, but I am compelled to write about what I saw while in school there. It does seem like a long time ago, but the people with highly racist views in the events are mostly my age. They are people who are voting and still sharing their ideas with others. I have lofty hopes that their beliefs have evolved for the better and they have grown over the years, like I feel I have. I want my kids to know what I saw toward others as a sheltered white female and to know that this is just a tiny piece of the big picture. I was not witness to the violence, but it was there. I know that racism exists across the United States and that it is also systemic; I just happened to see it plainly and clearly in MS.
Going to School in Mississippi
I moved from Palos Verdes, California to Ocean Springs, Mississippi in 1972 as I was entering 1st grade. Ocean Springs public schools were integrated in 1968, but I was in Jackson County and those schools were not integrated until 1971. Previously, black people attended the “Colored Schools” or the“Negro Schools.” In Ocean Springs, The Negro School was built in 1952 and they were still remodeling the building as late as 1958. Brown v. Board of Education ruled in 1954 that racial segregation in public schools was unconstitutional, but MS was slow to make changes. MS maintained total segregation of schools for 10 years after Brown v. Board of Education until Lyndon Johnson signed The Civil Rights Act of 1964 that denied federal funds to segregated schools. It is interesting to me that in 1962 Ocean Springs was one of three counties of 151 in the state of MS that was spending more or equal money on students who were black in their effort to create separate but equal schools. The average school district spent $4 on white students for every $1 on black students. In the spring of 1970, Ocean Springs and Jackson County were listed as two of six counties in the state of MS that were showing efforts toward school desegregation. According to records, I was moving into one of the more progressive areas.
My neighborhood, Gulf Hills, was entirely white. There were a few students who were black in my elementary school. When I look back at my 3rd grade yearbook, nine of 160 3rd grade students were black. I think today of how these students and their parents must have felt in the 1970s MS climate where people were still angry at the desegregation. At school, we stood and sang I Wish I Was in Dixie, which was a bit like the national anthem of the Confederacy. In 1st grade, I asked two girls that I liked (whose names I’m not using) who were black to play and they told me that we weren’t allowed to play because they were colored. I was confused, but accepted this. In 2nd grade, I asked one of those same girls why she called herself colored and she told me it was because she was black and I accepted that. In 3rd grade, the other one of these girls became my biggest competitor in my personal competition to be the best writer in the class. Our work went up on the walls with great remarks. I was so proud as I bet all were with their star work. This was also my favorite teacher ever, Mary Anderson Stebly, who inspired me in so many ways. Looking back, I realize that Mrs. Stebly was finding something special in every single one of her students in order to inspire us. My writing mechanics were great for a 3rd grader; the other girl’s content was spectacular. I still remember reading her writing and wondering where she got her ideas and how she made it so interesting. I wonder how many teachers were as loving and lifting up all students at that time and place, regardless of color, as Mrs. Stebly was. Other than these instances, I just remember being fairly separate in elementary school. I remember hearing the “N” word regularly, always disparagingly, at school and knowing from my parents that it was wrong and that I should never say it. I knew not to be friends with people who said that word, and I would speak up against it when it was said - but only if I was feeling brave.
I remember driving by the burning cross that I could see out on Deer Island. I mentioned it to my parents and how pretty it looked. I never understood their absolute silence. I kept talking about it and how unusual it was and I wondered what was happening...all to their silence. I think now of the murder, hate, and evil that the Ku Klux Klan was spreading and there I was thinking it was pretty. There are no words, only tears. We know now that we would not be silent with our kids in this situation and we would have age appropriate conversations. These are the times to have conversations about white supremacists, race, discrimination, but I believe that my parents thought I was too young. The United Dixie White Knights, a MS branch of the Ku Klux Klan, is still active.
Inside our house was different from school. My brother was on the football team and had true friends who were black and white who came to the house. My parents did too, and were caring toward all people, but we didn’t talk about race. We moved to Mclean, VA in 1978, and things were different. As a white female, I didn’t see the overt racism that I saw in MS, although I know it existed. I was able to get a better multicultural education in the DC Metropolitan area and gain a better understanding of equality and justice. When I graduated from high school, I got a large scholarship from Millsaps College in Jackson, MS, where my brother graduated. It was a nicely rated school at the time and one of the many schools calling themselves the “Harvard of the South.” I had fond memories of playing in the woods and of my friends in MS, so I decided to go to school there in the fall of 1984. Now that I’ve been through the college selection process with my daughter, I realize that my process lacked a bit of depth.
Millsaps College admitted its first black student in 1965 and was the first private MS college to desegregate. They were progressive for MS. When I arrived on campus, the very first thing my new roommate said to me after hello was, “I’m so glad you aren’t black.” She went on and on after that but I don’t remember much as I was shocked and horrified. Thankfully, I was able to get a new assignment by November, but that was only due to other actions of hers, otherwise the school was going to make me stay with her until the end of the school year. I learned that most black females lived on one floor of one dorm. There were sororities and fraternities, but I don’t think that there were any people who were black in them. There was a separate black fraternity. I went out on a couple of dates with a guy who was black and was warned by many people that I shouldn’t go out with him, that I should be careful, that I shouldn’t be seen talking so much alone with him. I ignored them. I heard derogatory remarks regularly about people of color. It was painful for me to see and hear, so I can’t even imagine what it would be like to be on the receiving end of those remarks.
My parents moved back to MS while I was at Millsaps. During this time, around 1985, a family that was black moved into the Gulf Hills neighborhood. Someone walked around with a petition to keep them out or convince them to move. My mother expressed her disgust for the petition, and then welcomed the family with a basket of food and gifts. Can you imagine being greeted in the neighborhood with that petition in 1985? My father believes that this family included a black female Colonel in the United States Air Force who eventually became a Major General. Think of her accomplishments and her fight.
I left MS in January of 1986 to join Up With People. This was an eye opening international experience. I had no desire to return to Millsaps after the year. I met some truly wonderful people at Millsaps and learned so much in the theater department, but I couldn’t return to the small community that made me think of closed minds and racism. I now wish that I was the sort of 20 year old who would have stayed and helped to create change. I should have been an activist or at least spoken up publicly. Imagine the possibilities - I simply left.
Looking back and reflecting upon what I could have and should have done helps me to know what I need to do now. I am reflecting and will continue to listen and learn. I will no longer stay silent for fear or someone else’s comfort. This is easier said than done, but I am trying.
I left MS in January of 1986 to join Up With People. This was an eye opening international experience. I had no desire to return to Millsaps after the year. I met some truly wonderful people at Millsaps and learned so much in the theater department, but I couldn’t return to the small community that made me think of closed minds and racism. I now wish that I was the sort of 20 year old who would have stayed and helped to create change. I should have been an activist or at least spoken up publicly. Imagine the possibilities - I simply left.
Looking back and reflecting upon what I could have and should have done helps me to know what I need to do now. I am reflecting and will continue to listen and learn. I will no longer stay silent for fear or someone else’s comfort. This is easier said than done, but I am trying.
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